A New-Born Money-Maker

She did always seem like the type to no show off her bump unless if was on the cover of Fit Pregnancy, huh?

FabNerds- You know I love Kevin and Dani Jonas, right? Because I do. I admit I find the rest of the JoBros (ex-JoBros?) to be kind of repulsive, ungrateful shits*, but I Kev and D have always held a special place in my heart. Maybe it was just that Married to Jonas a really well-produced show, I don’t know. But I have held on to the notion that they were kind, down-to-earth people. Was I excited that they were going to have a baby? You bet your ass, I was. Was I a little worried that they were going to name said baby “Jersey”? …Yes.

But now, when #BabyJonas was born yesterday, she was thankfully not named Jersey Jonas (perhaps there realized it wasn’t really good alliteration?). Her name is Alena Rose Jones, which is not terrible. So what’s my damage? Well,  I think that this may be the first birth ever sponsored by laundry detergent. Dreft, specifically.

It started as a harmless tweet from Dani two days ago.

omg dani

So, OK. You think that maybe Dreft is like doing a puff piece about the married Jonases washing onesies or something- but no! Because the next day – presumably right after the first contraction started – Kevin tweeted this:

omg kevin tweet

UPDATES ON THE BIRTH? What is that supposed to mean? Are they letting Dreft in the delivery room? What are they supposed to tweet? So many questions and all the answers I tried to come up with sounded gross.

Thankfully, however Dreft’s tweets were not in the vain of “I CAN SEE THE HEAD! #BABYJONAS YOU ARE ONE HAIRY LITTLE MONSTER”. Unthankfully, they were just boring.

dreft tweets

BORE-ING! It’s like they are a detergent company or something. Makes you wonder if any of Kevin’s brothers took to the internet to talk about the new addition. Perez Hilton tells me they did.

unclejoe tweet

Only Joe Jonas – who’s name,we can all agree, is worse than Jersey – would find some way to make this about himself instead of #BabyJonas. I know he’s the middle child, but he’s also arguably the most attractive of the bunch. Does he really need to bogart his soon-to-be niece’s attention? It’s like he’s compensating for something**.  Just go on Dancing With the Stars already. Jeez.

Anyway. Dreft is still in the game here and this is when it gets a little commercial (if it wasn’t already).

wow dreft tweet

first pic tweet

Like, I get selling your first baby pics to OK! Magazine or something a few days after the baby is born, but giving it to the social media intern of a second-level laundry company to post, like, moments after you cut the cord just feels a little…weird? sleazy? uncomfortable?

I mean, listen, I’m not a parent and I’m certainly not a celebrity. I don’t know what went through their heads as Dreft approached them asking if this was something they wanted to do. Maybe they wanted the free detergent. Maybe they thought it would be a nice little memento for them to look back on the day their daughter was born. Whatever it was, they obviously gave their consent so why does it feel so strange to me?

I could pretend to be all noble and take the side of Halle Berry and Jennifer Gardner or Dax Shepard and say that I believe that a celebrity’s children should not be on display for all of us to see. That would be great except I am also a frequent reader of Suri’s Burn Book (it is, in fact, where I first read about this) and while I do believe parents should have the right to control how their children appear in the media, to proclaim that I have some sort of moral motivation here would be untrue. Hell, I’m even screen-shoting these tweets so I can blog about their baby. Plus, as already stated, this was obvs done with Kev and D’s permission.

I guess I just don’t like how instantaneous it was. Normally, I’m all for the live-tweet, but maybe this was just something I would be more receptive to if it wasn’t so Right Now. Perhaps, this is just an issue of decorum. Or just good writing. There are some things that we need to edit first. Like this (finally! … finally?) gross tweet from Kevin:

pushing tweet

yeah, EW. But he followed with this so I can almost forgive him.

aww kevein tweet

Anyway, I still love them. Mazel Tov, Kevin and Dani. Mazel Tov, Dreft.


*In the case of Joe Jonas acting like he does…I don’t know – maybe this is just me here – but does he seem like he could be, maybe, gay? He did seem really invested in Dani’s brother moving back to LA with him on Married to Jonas…just a thought.

**Like being in the closet? Listen I’m not saying he is. (Don’t sue me Joe) but I’m saying if he was, it might be time to come out. It could potentially open up a whole new market for his solo career. Just saying. If he is.


I’ve Missed You So!

I’m sorry it’s been so long, but there’s no need to get so worked up…

Omg FabNerds, it has been forever! So between my crazy 24/7 2-Job summer and coming back to the fabulous state of New York where I have to finish a degree and what not, I just have not been able to really sit and blog like I should. I feel totally guilty. And awful. And bummed. I mean, this always happens. I think I’m going to blog my little heart out and then I get distracted and I look up and it’s been four months since my last post.

So here’s what I think. I think I put too much pressure on myself. I think I try to have all these crazy posting schedules and theme days, and I don’t think it helps me like it should. My new goal is to try and post once a week. I don’t know what on what day I will be posting or if it will be the same every week. I have no clue what I will be writing about.

I just want to write this blog and if I can get into a good rhythm posting just once a week for a while I think I can be happy. Writing this blog should not be stressful.

So let’s talk about this week’s post? I figured, FabNerds, that you have an idea about what “working crazy hours” and “trying to graduate college” looks like so I thought I’d update you on some other things I have been doing since my last post. Here’s the top ten…


1. Watching LOL

If you have seen this movie please comment here or tweet me (@TheFabJessGoing) so we can immediately talk about it. I am obsessed. Did you know if was based on a French film called LOL: Laughing Out Loud? I’m hosting a theme party where we watch them back to back and compare. I will be dressed up as that little girl who looks like Joan of Arc….

2. Being G-List Twitter Famous

@TheFabJessGoing…Come on. 101 other people did it!

That’s right. As of right now, I have 101 followers– that’s right, be jelly. And not just randos, but really cool people. Published Authors, WE TV “Celebrities”, People With Awesome Taste in Television… this is the caliber of tweeters I attract. People just love my Romeo and Juliet live tweets (god, it was horrid). You should follow me too.

3. Deciding  To Finally Read Rob Lowe’s Book or Not

Rob and I are friends? He doesn’t follow me on twitter…

I just bought it on my Kindle, but I’m still unsure. Everyone says it’s fantastic, but I don’t even really know who he is. Except that he was the best part of Behind The Candelabra . What do you think FabNerds? Should I become one of RL’s friends?

4. Learning A TON About Skin Care

Like, for realz. If you want to know how to figure out your skin type and how to get on a good five-year moisturizer regime I got your back. You wanna talk super foods? Watermelon and Tomatoes, baby. I can solve everyone’s skin care issues. Most important thing I’ve learned: Shea Butter is bad for Eczema and Dermatitis. Question I Still Can’t Answer: Are Eczema and Dermatitis the same thing? Comment Bellow! 

5. Pinning Pics of Dolce And Gabbana Ads

I can’t stop. I think they are so cool. It makes me want to find really sexy Italian relatives to yell at. You can find them on my personal Pinterest HERE. And if you want to see some of the sweet pics added to the N&F Pinterest you can find some cool things HERE.

6. Working on My Senior Project

Directed by ME!

Directed by ME!

I know, I know. This isn’t supposed to be a list about school or work or both, but you’re gonna here about it eventually so why not now? I’m directing a play. Written by my friend and future Pulitzer winner. It’s about the Tower of Babel. And Lesbians. It opens in March and is going to kick ass (I hope) . Just look at the Amazballs* poster we had for auditions!

7. Online Shopping


It’s effing Amazon man! They make everything so easy. But I finally cancelled my Hulu Plus account, so I think I’m finally heading in the right direction. My accountant friend I went to Paris with says I should keep and expense journal. She’s not wrong. But I’m afraid to face that particular reality right now…

8. Trying to Be Best Friends with Mindy Kaling

BFFs Please?

She’s smart and pretty and funny. Her show is the shit. We’re both form kinda-Boston and have our credit card info memorized. Plus have you read this blog post about her love of Jonathan Adler? I have been in love with JA for ever! I even have one of his pillows! I think it’s destiny…


I am a beast at this game, which is really cool since it’s the only game that is not Candy Land that I am good at. “Broadway Baby” and “Blockbuster” decks are my Jam. I do not even care how pathetic it is to wait around with a group of people until I can casually ask “Hey. Do you wanna play Heads Up?” only to totally crush them. I love this game and I. Do. Not. Care.

10. Sharing Inspirational/Self-Affirming Photos On Facebook 


But I keep the privacy setting at “ONLY ME” so as to not let the world see that I need rainbow messages from “Spread Joy” to make me feel better.

…And that’s all I’ve been doing lately. Hope everything is well with you, FabNerds.

See You Next Week,



* So I’m trying to start using “Amazballs” with out sounding totally idiotic. Did it work?