A New-Born Money-Maker

She did always seem like the type to no show off her bump unless if was on the cover of Fit Pregnancy, huh?

FabNerds- You know I love Kevin and Dani Jonas, right? Because I do. I admit I find the rest of the JoBros (ex-JoBros?) to be kind of repulsive, ungrateful shits*, but I Kev and D have always held a special place in my heart. Maybe it was just that Married to Jonas a really well-produced show, I don’t know. But I have held on to the notion that they were kind, down-to-earth people. Was I excited that they were going to have a baby? You bet your ass, I was. Was I a little worried that they were going to name said baby “Jersey”? …Yes.

But now, when #BabyJonas was born yesterday, she was thankfully not named Jersey Jonas (perhaps there realized it wasn’t really good alliteration?). Her name is Alena Rose Jones, which is not terrible. So what’s my damage? Well,  I think that this may be the first birth ever sponsored by laundry detergent. Dreft, specifically.

It started as a harmless tweet from Dani two days ago.

So, OK. You think that maybe Dreft is like doing a puff piece about the married Jonases washing onesies or something- but no! Because the next day – presumably right after the first contraction started – Kevin tweeted this:

UPDATES ON THE BIRTH? What is that supposed to mean? Are they letting Dreft in the delivery room? What are they supposed to tweet? So many questions and all the answers I tried to come up with sounded gross.

Thankfully, however Dreft’s tweets were not in the vain of “I CAN SEE THE HEAD! #BABYJONAS YOU ARE ONE HAIRY LITTLE MONSTER”. Unthankfully, they were just boring.

BORE-ING! It’s like they are a detergent company or something. Makes you wonder if any of Kevin’s brothers took to the internet to talk about the new addition. Perez Hilton tells me they did.

Only Joe Jonas – who’s name,we can all agree, is worse than Jersey – would find some way to make this about himself instead of #BabyJonas. I know he’s the middle child, but he’s also arguably the most attractive of the bunch. Does he really need to bogart his soon-to-be niece’s attention? It’s like he’s compensating for something**.  Just go on Dancing With the Stars already. Jeez.

Anyway. Dreft is still in the game here and this is when it gets a little commercial (if it wasn’t already).

Like, I get selling your first baby pics to OK! Magazine or something a few days after the baby is born, but giving it to the social media intern of a second-level laundry company to post, like, moments after you cut the cord just feels a little…weird? sleazy? uncomfortable?

I mean, listen, I’m not a parent and I’m certainly not a celebrity. I don’t know what went through their heads as Dreft approached them asking if this was something they wanted to do. Maybe they wanted the free detergent. Maybe they thought it would be a nice little memento for them to look back on the day their daughter was born. Whatever it was, they obviously gave their consent so why does it feel so strange to me?

I could pretend to be all noble and take the side of Halle Berry and Jennifer Gardner or Dax Shepard and say that I believe that a celebrity’s children should not be on display for all of us to see. That would be great except I am also a frequent reader of Suri’s Burn Book (it is, in fact, where I first read about this) and while I do believe parents should have the right to control how their children appear in the media, to proclaim that I have some sort of moral motivation here would be untrue. Hell, I’m even screen-shoting these tweets so I can blog about their baby. Plus, as already stated, this was obvs done with Kev and D’s permission.

I guess I just don’t like how instantaneous it was. Normally, I’m all for the live-tweet, but maybe this was just something I would be more receptive to if it wasn’t so Right Now. Perhaps, this is just an issue of decorum. Or just good writing. There are some things that we need to edit first. Like this (finally! … finally?) gross tweet from Kevin:

yeah, EW. But he followed with this so I can almost forgive him.

Anyway, I still love them. Mazel Tov, Kevin and Dani. Mazel Tov, Dreft.

-Jess

*In the case of Joe Jonas acting like he does…I don’t know – maybe this is just me here – but does he seem like he could be, maybe, gay? He did seem really invested in Dani’s brother moving back to LA with him on Married to Jonas…just a thought.

**Like being in the closet? Listen I’m not saying he is. (Don’t sue me Joe) but I’m saying if he was, it might be time to come out. It could potentially open up a whole new market for his solo career. Just saying. If he is.

The SMASH Legacy

 

 

 

Remember Dev? He was in Politics. But not in a Rob Lowe Way. In a boring way.

Ok, FabNerds, I should probably write a longer post for this week, but think have been a little hectic this week so I just have a quick little update. Next week will be longer, I promise.

Anyway, I’ve been going through some delayed SMASH withdrawal.* Because, why wouldn’t I be? I was going to go check to see if Hulu still had any episodes up, but I’ve just cancelled my HuluPlus account (again) in order to support my aforementioned online shopping addiction, so I went to the Xfinity website to see what was left of the NBC’s Total SMASH Wipeout.** Now, Xfinity is free with my parents cable subscription (to you “subscribe” to cable?) so I don’t know if all of you can see what I am talking about/watch this clip, but if you have Comcast you MUST look.

tied up my heart…

 

So, there are some clips that are from the better (if sometimes boring) season 2, but that’s not what I came to see, FabNerds. I want some season 1 deliciousness. I want SMASH Classic. And there, waiting for me like the butterfly at the funeral for that chick who got murdered in Patch Adams is this absolute GEM:

What’s Weird About This?

Ok, in case you don’t get it the name of the clip is “Dev is angry Karen didn’t tell reveal earlier that Derek sexually harassed her”. 

Let me repeat that. This title of the clips is “Dev is angry Karen didn’t tell reveal earlier that Derek sexually harassed her”. 

Now, I’ve watched a lot of clips in my life and it’s not like I study them or anything, but I do think I have absorbed some information about how they function on the internet. First off, they are supposed to either be called something vague (“Clip Number 1”, “Clip From Episode 1.07”) or just give you a little hit at what’s going on – entice you (“Dev and Karen Fight”). Where is the mystery, Xfinity? I mean, I will (generously) forgive the obvious typo where whoever wrote it couldn’t decided whether to use the word “tell” or “reveal” but the rest is just laziness.

“Dev watches Karen put her script into her bag, but doesn’t say anything because he is boring.”

However, I will say that it is a perfect title for a clip about that first season. In one, longwinded sentence it totally incapsulates what all of the problems where: Over-explaination, Redundancy, Too Many Characters We Didn’t Care About…

Why is Ellis The Creeper always lying down in these photos? Did the photographer just look at him and say “Know what? You really shouldn’t stand erect.”

I am hoping that whoever wrote the clip “Dev is angry Karen didn’t tell reveal earlier that Derek sexually harassed her” was doing it as an homage to my dearly beloved SMASH, but part of me just thinks he or she was really tired that night and had to finish writing those damn clips. If anyone has any information on this, let me know. I’m totally curious.

Oh, and I watch the clip. It was short and boring.

Peace Out,

Jessica

*Sorry for ANOTHER SMASH POST btw. I’ll stop writing about it when it stops being interesting.

** Seriously, they made all the promotional videos and clips from the SMASH Youtube page “private”- as in the general public can’t watch them. It was like 70 videos. They don’t want anyone talking about this show anymore. This is my small rebellion.