The Oscar Race

So here’s the deal FabNerds: I could spend a lot of  time and energy writing to you about how sorry I am that I’ve been AWOL and wanting to postmore, but I have a play to direct and a college to graduate from and I don’t want to promise things I’m not sure of, so let’s just cut to the chase, ok? 

The 86th Annual Academy Awards. 

This is the year my friends. The year I will finally see all the Best Picture Nominees. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people – I think it’s a movie-theatre employee thing. You want to be able to talk about everything you’ve seen and for it to matter some how. I guess it’s a bragging rights thing, but I never thought I’d see it happen  to me- especially after they changed the number of possible of Noms from 5 to 10. I mean who has time to see TEN MOVIES if it’s not, like, you’re job or something? Nobody, that’s who!

But nine movies….well that’s a different story.

I didn’t see it coming. Literally, I was half-asleep during the nomination ceremony. But when they announced Captain Phillips as one of the Best Pictures Of The Fall (c’mon it’s not really all of 2013, let’s stop pretending) I felt a little flutter in my heart. Captain Phillips? I thought. I saw that movie months ago. The dialouge was clunky when it was in English, but the Navy Seals were hot. It made me wonder.

If that’s included, surely I can squeeze in the other eight films before the Oscars! 

And since then I have seen American Hustle (Costume Porn), Nebraska (Cute!), and 12 Years A Slave (heart-wrenching and a genuinely well-done movie). It’s been more than a race – it’s been a triathlon. Tonight I did 12 Years, August: Osage County (for the acting Noms) and Nebraska back to back to back. I was at the movie theatre for like six hours. The ushers learned my name. It was the most enjoyable experience, but exhausting. I left tonight feeling terribly accomplished. Four down and whatnot.

The problem is, I still have FIVE EFFIN MOVIES LEFT! And now I’ve seen all the ones I knew I was going to like(mostly). I still have to see Her. Which just sounds like Sexy Smart House to me ( would I be more attracted to it was called Him? Is is just that the thought of a man falling in love with an depthless, computer generated idea instead of a Human Person that is capable of being more than just your Fantasy Scarlett Johansson sounds so hopeless cliched to me that I can not open myself up to the possibility that this film might actually be not Barf-Worthy? Should I stop placing rhetoricals inside parentheses?)

I also still have to see My Deepest and Darkest Fear In IMAX 3D. Also known as Gravity.

Yeah, yeah. I know. If you’re so scared to be lost in space and die spinning around for eternity then don’t become and astronaut. Well, I’m not planning on it. But it’s still very scary. And I’m going to spend like $20 to see it! It’s all for bragging rights, FabNerds.

And speaking of compensations for teeny genitalia, I will also have to sit the three hour Wall Street: Douches Never Stop Doing Coke Or Whatever. Three. Hours. At least I have Dallas Buyers Club to look forward to. And I hear that Philomena is also a movie nominated. It’s about mean nuns or something right? Or is it about music? 

Know what? Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna do it no matter what! This is the year! It’s 2004 and I’m the Boston Red Sox. It’s happening and there is nothing that is going to stop me!

As always you can follow my movie-watching journey on twitter. Sunday’s also Groundhog day, so stay tuned for that. May the force be with you.

-Jess

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The 2013 Groundhog Day Live-Tweet

  1. Despite the fact that my iphone went mental and I’ve had three hours of sleep, I am up and ready to tweet #groundhog2013
  2. Oh duh. Maybe I click on the button that says GROUNDHOG DAY LIVE WEBCAST CLICK HERE! #groundhog2013
  3. These fireworks are pretty spectacular, especially when they are accompanied by the BeeGees. #groundhog2013
  4. Oh wait they are introducing the CPR staff which is why they are playing “Staying Alive” #punxsutawnyrules
  5. But in all seriousness I do not feel comfortable learning CPR from a man in a Groundhog hat to “staying alive” while they shout “push hard!”
  6. “Push Hard! Push Hard! Push Hard! We’re Getting Close to Phil! This is Staying Alive By The BeeGees! We Want YOU to Be Staying Alive!”
  7. The man who wrote Groundhog Day is in the audience and they are playing audio of Bill Murray’s lines in honor of this genius. #groundhog2013
  8. Did you know it’s the 20th anniversary of #GroundhogDaythemovie? That’s cool, though I thought it was older.
  9. The inner circle has arrived! They are about to bring Phil out! #groundhog2013
  10. In case you are wondering, yes, I did make a list of all possible hastags to use last night.
  11. But they are singing “I want Phil, Phil, Phil” Well, ovbi, some 800 people want to see Phil – you’re not special. #groundhog2013
  12. Some day, I too will stand in the freezing cold early morning with hundreds of people waiting for an animal to tell me the weather.
  13. Apparently there is no Hannah and Dylan in all of #punxsutawny to come onstage with #FakeBluesBrothers
  14. A rousing round of applause for #FakeBluesBrothers but now it’s time to explain the bus rules for everyone.
  15. Explaining the Exit rules must mean it’s time for #phil at #gobblersknob, right?
  16. Do you think that being a #FakeBluesBrothers is like a stepping stone to being apart of #TheInnerCircle?
  17. The sun is rising on #gobblersknob and it’s almost time for Phil to emerge!
  18. Ok, it’s fine. A little lag-y but hopefully I can still see the #prognostication#groundhog2013
  19. Ok, almost back up and running. #TheInnerCircle is leading the Groundhog Pledge!
  20. Can’t help wondering if it would be more interesting if #TheInnerCircle was wearing the Groundhog Hats the CPR guys had….
  21. Nah, I like their top hats. But it’s always good to question tradition. Like in Fiddler on the Roof. #lifelessons
  22. (side note: am I the only person who puts commas between multiple hashtags?)
  23. #PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  24. The podcast is working now and they are playing Rusted Root’s Send Me On My Way on #gobblersknob.
  25. Phil really is adorable. I desperately want to cuddle him. #groundhog2013
  26. Well, that seems to be it. If you are at #punxsutawny, I’m totes jelly and I hope you have an awesome day with #phil.
  27. If you are at home and that home is not #punxsutawny, Happy Saturday and remember it’s only #4moreweeksofwinter