Let’s Talk About HATS, Baby!

It’s time to get real FabNerds. We’ve been on this journey a while now and I feel like I need to come out and tell you all something very personal…

I. Love. Hats.

I know, I didn’t mean to pull a Jodie Foster there, but it’s true. I am obsessed with hats. I have been for a while now and I don’t think my opinion is going to change anytime soon. I have a whole board about them on Pinterest. See, some people view hats as an accessory, but to me, hats are a way of life. Have you ever been in a fashion-crisis? You know, when you’re trying on everything you own and NOTHING seems to be doing it for you? You need to add an little bit of….something, but you don’t know what? Well, nine Jessica’s out of ten will tell you that the cure to this is actually a hat.

Don’t believe me? Well, aren’t we contrary today. Here are some reason that will change your mind and get a hat on that stubborn noggin of yours!

1. You are having a bad hair day-

 

I’m glad I’m wearing this beanie so no one can see my roots.

 

Are your locks too flat? Too all over the place? Too lazy to be washed? Stick a hat on that disgusting hair of yours and not only will you look super chic, but the source of all your anxiety will be safely hidden away.

 

2. You want people to think you are cool-

 

I wear hats, because I am amazing

Yes, Bruno Mars is already cool, but when he’s wearing a hat it gives him that added air of mystery which makes him inapproachable and therefore EVEN COOLER. And if a hat can improve Divine Perfection like Bruno Mars, think about what it can do to your image. Speaking of, you should also be wearing a hat if…

 

3. You want to elevate your social status-

 

Who cares about the rain in Spain when I’ve got this giant hat to keep me dry? And fancy.

Eliza Doolittle didn’t just learn to speak properly, remember? She rocked a mother of a hat like it was nobody’s business!

 

4. You need to remind the world that you still exist-

 

Meme us! Meme us!

Feeling invisible? Stone-cold PROOF that hats make people notice you. Not only were Beatrice and Eugenie more talked about than the exquisite Kate Middelton on her own wedding day, but there was more buzz about them than Pippa’s ass. And people really like Pippa’s ass.

 

Believe me now? Thought you would. Don’t worry. This conversation isn’t over, but I know it was a lot so I want to give you a day or two to process. While you’re working out the wonders of hats, I’ll leave you with a picture of me in one of my many favorite accessories.

May the Hats be with You,

Jessica

One of my more glamours hats. And an awful laptop reflection in my sunglasses. :(

One of my more glamours hats. And an awful laptop reflection in my sunglasses. 😦

Am I Flash-backing Or…

Ok. I am going to admit it. I LOVE Disney Channel. Really. New Disney, Old Disney, Everything-But-Hannah-Montana Disney; I’ve watched it and I love it all. However, because I don’t have at TV at Purchase and Disney Channel isn’t on Hulu (or HuluPlus) so I only get to catch up on the goings-on on the Mouse when I’m home on breaks. So this Thanksgiving I hunkered down in front of my HD Flatscreen and caught up on some of Disney’s newer shows. Except, some of them didn’t seem so new. Maybe it’s true that there’s no such thing as an original idea anymore, but I feel the need to dissect the Top Five Derivative Disney Shows:

1.  Shake it Up

Shake it Up is a show about a group of pre-teen girls (like most D-Chan shows) who have fulfilled their dream of dancing on their fav Chicago television show. High-jinks ensue.

Dancing? On Television? Chicago? Where have I heard that before?

Oh right. 1984’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt. The kids maybe younger and the parents maybe less strict (because now dancing to rock music does not seem as evil as it did in Footloose) but the driving force behind the plot is pretty much exactly the same. Though kudos, for more dancing on Television.

2. A.N.T Farm

Ok, I haven’t actually seen this show, but from my understanding it is a show about a group of Genius kids who are sent to high school for a more advanced education.High-jinks ensue.

So, it’s Smart Guy with more kids.

3. So Random

(Should be called ‘So Predictable.’)

  Unfortunately, I have seen this show. After Demi Lovato checked into rehab (thus, removing the Sonny from the D-Chan show Sonny with a Chance) the Disney Execs realized that they were still contractually obligated to another two seasons of air time for the rest of the cast. But, a Demi-less show would be stifling so they decided to focus on the overly-written, boring, un-funny sketch-show-within-the-show “So Random”. High-jinks ensue. (Apparently).

I know, you think I’m going to compare it to SNL..but let’s get real here. This show isn’t Live. Know what sketch show of the 90’s was also not live, but was actually funny?

I knew you’d Figure It Out! (Nick Humor!)

4. Good Luck Charlie

Cashing in on the iCarly Market. High-jinks ensue. What more can I say?

      VS.

 5. Jessie

I saved this one for last not just because THEY ARE USING MY NAME (sorta – I usually kill people who call me Jessie) or for the addictive theme song, but because it is the most complicated. Jessie is a show about a small-town girl from Texas (the totally maj and completely adorable Debby Ryan of DCOM: 16 Wishes)  who moves to New York City to follow her dreams (whatever they may be, the pilot was not specific about that) and ends up being the Nanny for four crazy kids (two of whom are adopted). High-jinks ensue.

It was hard to pinpoint where this show comes from. The main plot line is more or less Charles in Charge. But the fact that they’re in New York and rich adds a touch of Family Affair (they even have their own butler to Mr. French it up!). But there’s also a touch of Marlo Thomas in That Girl.

However, though this is obviously the most derivative of D-Chan shows (because most of the others were practically copies) it is also the most interesting. I don’t know why, but after seeing one episode I had to go  and find the rest online to watch. There’s something refreshing about it even though (or maybe BECAUSE) it has so many blatant inspirations from shows of the past. It’s worth a watch.

Way more than So Random does.

-Jess