The Oscar Race

So here’s the deal FabNerds: I could spend a lot of  time and energy writing to you about how sorry I am that I’ve been AWOL and wanting to postmore, but I have a play to direct and a college to graduate from and I don’t want to promise things I’m not sure of, so let’s just cut to the chase, ok? 

The 86th Annual Academy Awards. 

This is the year my friends. The year I will finally see all the Best Picture Nominees. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people – I think it’s a movie-theatre employee thing. You want to be able to talk about everything you’ve seen and for it to matter some how. I guess it’s a bragging rights thing, but I never thought I’d see it happen  to me- especially after they changed the number of possible of Noms from 5 to 10. I mean who has time to see TEN MOVIES if it’s not, like, you’re job or something? Nobody, that’s who!

But nine movies….well that’s a different story.

I didn’t see it coming. Literally, I was half-asleep during the nomination ceremony. But when they announced Captain Phillips as one of the Best Pictures Of The Fall (c’mon it’s not really all of 2013, let’s stop pretending) I felt a little flutter in my heart. Captain Phillips? I thought. I saw that movie months ago. The dialouge was clunky when it was in English, but the Navy Seals were hot. It made me wonder.

If that’s included, surely I can squeeze in the other eight films before the Oscars! 

And since then I have seen American Hustle (Costume Porn), Nebraska (Cute!), and 12 Years A Slave (heart-wrenching and a genuinely well-done movie). It’s been more than a race – it’s been a triathlon. Tonight I did 12 Years, August: Osage County (for the acting Noms) and Nebraska back to back to back. I was at the movie theatre for like six hours. The ushers learned my name. It was the most enjoyable experience, but exhausting. I left tonight feeling terribly accomplished. Four down and whatnot.

The problem is, I still have FIVE EFFIN MOVIES LEFT! And now I’ve seen all the ones I knew I was going to like(mostly). I still have to see Her. Which just sounds like Sexy Smart House to me ( would I be more attracted to it was called Him? Is is just that the thought of a man falling in love with an depthless, computer generated idea instead of a Human Person that is capable of being more than just your Fantasy Scarlett Johansson sounds so hopeless cliched to me that I can not open myself up to the possibility that this film might actually be not Barf-Worthy? Should I stop placing rhetoricals inside parentheses?)

I also still have to see My Deepest and Darkest Fear In IMAX 3D. Also known as Gravity.

Yeah, yeah. I know. If you’re so scared to be lost in space and die spinning around for eternity then don’t become and astronaut. Well, I’m not planning on it. But it’s still very scary. And I’m going to spend like $20 to see it! It’s all for bragging rights, FabNerds.

And speaking of compensations for teeny genitalia, I will also have to sit the three hour Wall Street: Douches Never Stop Doing Coke Or Whatever. Three. Hours. At least I have Dallas Buyers Club to look forward to. And I hear that Philomena is also a movie nominated. It’s about mean nuns or something right? Or is it about music? 

Know what? Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna do it no matter what! This is the year! It’s 2004 and I’m the Boston Red Sox. It’s happening and there is nothing that is going to stop me!

As always you can follow my movie-watching journey on twitter. Sunday’s also Groundhog day, so stay tuned for that. May the force be with you.

-Jess

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