You’re Not An Asshole

~*note: Sorry it took me so long to put this up today. There were technical difficulties. And then a new Gigi Darcy vid, followed by the series premiere of Squaresville. And then a really great game of Flow Free on my iphone.*~

Kurt Vonnegut’s drawing of an asshole. Not it doesn’t look like you or Lena Dunham.

What’s up FabNerds? Happy Friday! Let’s celebrate by talking about something that happened at the Golden Globe Awards a few weeks back. Remember when HBO’s  Girls one best comedy (also remember how SMASH was also nominated? How cool was that?!) and Lena Dunham thanked Chad Lowe at the end of her speech? Take a moment and watch it you don’t remember.

Good? Now, I’m not Lena Dunham’s biggest fan for a lot of reasons (her inability to walk in heels for one thing) BUT I do think she’s done some really cool things for women and television the last couple of years AND I will be the first to admit I thought her reference to THIS famous Oscar snub (featuring one of my favorite people Roberto Benigni) was kind of hysterical.*

Of course, like all pop culture references, not everyone got it. So when Ms. Dunham gave her post-win interview this is what she said. Skip to like 4:45, if you want to get to the damn point.

Now, since when does being clever in your Golden Globe acceptance speech make you an asshole? I see women doing this all the time and it really annoys me. Example: The other day one of my friends was talking about how she was the first person in her Really Hard and Sophisticated Science class to finish a test. Cool, right? Well, what does she say when she finishes this kick-ass story: “You know, because I’m an asshole.”

To which my wonderful roommate replied, “You’re not an asshole, you were just prepared.”

I read an article on Jezebel about how men use self-deprecation to diffuse anger from women. When a man says “I’m an asshole” to you it can be a type of gaslighting. It creates feelings of guilt and makes you learn to expect less from him – but it’s all good because both you and him know that he’s an “asshole”.

I can’t help but  feel like  this passive aggressive behavior totally correlates with how women use the A-word. However, instead of saying it to get away with less, women call themselves assholes to basically apologize for their accomplishments. It’s to soften the blow, because for some reason, women are feeling guilty of what they should be proud of.

I gotta ask… Ladies, what is the deal with this? Do you really feel bad or do you just think you should feel bad? Why do you feel the need to use all this self-deprecation? If you’ve achieved something awesome, you should OWN IT! Why do you want to shy away from your incredible feats? You know it’s not bragging if you deserve it, right? I mean, have you ever seen Oprah call herself an asshole? What Would Oprah Do??

I’m a WHAT?!

So here’s my humble request – and stop me if you think I’m asking for too much here- STOP CALLING YOURSELVES ASSHOLES! You deserve to be proud of what you contribute to the world and not feel the need to apologize.

That is, of course, if you’re not actually an asshole.




* Still don’t get it? Hillary Swank was married to Chad Lowe at the time and forgot to thank him in her acceptance speech. They are now divorced. This is why everyone freaks out at award shows now when someone forgets to thank their spouse. It’s like a clear sign their headed towards Splits-ville. So they say.

P.S. If you don’t already, follow me on the Twitter @TheFabJessGoing


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